One  more for the road...

Ok, so I'm a new curly.

What is a new curly?

Someone who has decided to refrain from putting chemical relaxers in their hair.  The lack of relaxer will, in turn, allow the hair to grow in its natural state.

Before I continue, I have to quote Paul Mooney.  It isn't verbatim, but it's close enough.  "When you're hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed.  If your hair is nappy, white people aren't happy."

Anyway, so I did the big chop toward the end of July in 2009.  I cut my hair to maybe 1 inch pulled straight.  In 7 months, I've got about 3.5-4 inches of curly-kinky hair.

During my journey, I've purchased maybe $300-$500 in hair products.  I DO NOT skimp when it comes to my hair.  Why would I do this?  Because I only have a little hair left after that demon relaxer snatched so much of it from me.

I wasn't even 6 years old when I got my first relaxer.  Almost 3 decades went by before I decided enough was enough.

If anyone puts a relaxer in a child's head before they are 6 they are doing that child such a great disservice. 

Relaxed hair ISN'T easier to manage. 

You can't get it wet.  If it starts raining, you gotta run for cover like you're about to melt.  If my hair gets wet, oh well...I keep it moving.

Your hair has less body.  Overly processed hair is EXTREMELY hard to curl and once it does curl, you gotta use alot of product in order for that curl to stay.

You can't sleep right when you first get it done.  To maintain that hairstyle, I've slept sitting up.  Don't do too much activity or you might sweat it out which means your spouse is not likely to get any during the first couple of days after a fresh relaxer and a new 'do.

Your man can't touch it...black boys and men know this and my spouse has even had the pleasure of almost getting cussed out for touching my hair.

It's more fragile and more dry.  A relaxer has to break down the hair in order to get it straight.  Naturally curly hair is already dry as a bone.  Now, break it down and chemically alter it's composition, it's even more dry and will constantly suffer from "Ashy Larry" syndrome (or Gary Coleman-itis, whichever phrase suits you).

You are absolutely required to get it re-relaxed frequently since your hair will be more prone to breakage once the line of demarcation starts getting further and further away from your scalp.

I can't tell you how many times I've sustained a chemical burn all in hopes of getting the most straight hair possible.

Picking scabs out of your scalp is NEVER sexy and it makes your head stink.

HOWEVER...

Wearing your hair in it's natural state is somehow seen as "militant."

It is made into a political statement. *rolling eyes*

Blacks have been led to believe that natural is somehow unnatural and should be shunned and looked down upon because it's not professional, put-together and pretty.

I even questioned myself and wondered if I should put on a wig for future job interviews.

But why?  Why should I have to do that?

This is ridiculous.

When a person has to always go on the offensive and explain why they chose not to continually subject their heads and hair to inhumane treatment, yeah, they will eventually become defensive and possibly "militant." 

Remember yal, hair is hair.

It's a FABULOUS accessory like shoes, purse and a great-looking date.

It doesn't make a person (unless, of course, you make a living out of showcasing your hair).

But actually, this isn't at all what I wanted to write about.  Oh well, it's late and  I refuse to do another post this late at night.

Hollywood hates black people too! (along with former Pres. Bush...ROFL!!!)

I saw the movie "Percy Jackson and dem" (I refuse to reference it by its real name...it's long and I like my title better).

The black man in the movie is half a goat and eats trash.  He is also sex-crazed and his sole mission in life is to protect a white man, for which he only does a mediocre job.

"Enlightened" black people were mad when "Precious" came out because they felt that it, once again, showed black people in a negative light.  In fact, they were even mad at the Jar Jar Binks character from the Star Wars movie franchise because they thought that it was a supposed to represent a stereotypical black person (I don't know about you, but that one was a stretch for me).

Now, I can only speak for myself, but I find this goat-creature/black man uncle tom-ing it (his facial expressions are what killed me), eating trash and being inept at his job more upsetting than the story of a girl with a crappy up-bringing.

Am I making a mountain over a mole hill?  Most likely, but isn't most of our news based on making something out of absolutely nothing?

For instance, Tiger Woods hittin ever ugly, used up tramp he came across...why is that news and why is anyone taking the time to interview these hoes?  It's not like one of them is the CEO of a major company or the wife of a king of a foreign nation.  I doubt if any one of them got past junior college, but for whatever reason, having Tiger apologize to the nation for cheating on his wife is supposed to be news.

Anyway, the movie was ok, and the black man/goat-thingy (Satyr, if I'm not mistaken) wasn't that bad, but I did have to look at him sideways a few times because he really was putting Uncle Tom to shame.  I was just waiting for a "yes'm bawse" to come flying out his mouth at some point.

My thoughts on movies

I think Hollywood hates white people.  That seems kinda weird since white people control just about everything, but I really believe that Hollywood hates white people.

Case in point: I'm watching what has to be about the most stupid movie on SyFy.  It's about a group of people (that look like they're on that 10-year college plan) whose plane crashes in what is supposed to be the Himalayas (though it looks like maybe they're in Colorado) and now there's a nest of Yeti trying to eat them.  Here's a short list of the foolishness that I could note:

1.  The one white man that has any sort of good sense is about the most unattractive man you could ever hope to never see.  He looks like he should be one of the professors even though he's one of the "students."  He is balding and has a flabby nose.  He also has the qualities of a coward and a straight up b****.  He suffers from what Diddy calls "b****a**ness"...well, I think that's the term he uses.  Anyway, this very unattractive man is also quite selfish, but as stated earlier, he has the most sense out of the group.  But, because he is really all about self, no one bothers to take him seriously.
  The only thing that they didn't do was make him fat.  Hollywood likes to make fat people whiny and cowardly.

2.  The other white man, the hero, is blond and relatively attractive, I suppose.  As far as I'm concerned, he couldn't get it, but I'm sure he's making some woman (or man) hot and bothered.  He is relatively smart (I think), a natural leader and no one really challenges his authority, except for the punk listed under #1.  He is brave, but his bravery leads the rest of the group into trouble.  He wants to save his new found girlfriend from the lair of the killer Yeti's even though a rescue team (which consisted of only a man and a woman) just found them and wants to take them to base camp.  Now, I don't know about you, but this seems awfully retarded (not like physically/mentally challenged, but more like just plain ol stupid).  She is not related to him, they are not married nor do they have any children together.  In fact, she didn't even let him smash...other than just knowing her from the plane, they have no other REAL connection.  I don't know about you, but I'd just pray for her and hope for the best as I started my trek down to base camp.  Does that make me cruel?  Probably.  Does it make me a punk?  Maybe, but I'll be that cruel punk as I'm reunited with my children and spouse, drinking hot cocoa in civilization. *Kanye Shrug*
  Anyway, when they (yes, they...he got the rescue team and all the remaining survivors to follow him on this suicide mission) go to save the girl, they upset the Yetis who were only eating them because they were trespassing on their territory.  Now, the Yeti's are extremely pissed  and start tracking them and picking them off in mass.  Once again, *Kanye Shrug*

3.  White women do NOT know how to run away from a scary beast/monster/killer-thing.   Ok, so when they have their first encounter with the Yeti, instead of running away, one of the white women just stands there and screams.  I would have killed her too just to get her to shut up that doggone screaming.  He knocked her down and then squished her head by stepping on it.  He didn't even bother to eat her.  He just wanted her to shut up.  Well played Mr. Yeti!!
  The white man she was with had the audacity to throw a snowball at him.  It was almost laughable.  Anyway, he got his heart ripped out of his chest because 1. he just stood there staring at the Yeti instead of running and 2. he threw a snowball at the Yeti.  I probably would have slapped him for throwing stuff at me.  First you stare at me and then you proceed to throw frozen water at me.  Yeah, you're gonna catch one.
  As Cedric the Entertainer has mentioned, when black people see one person running, we start running as well, whether we know the reason or not.  White people like to stay and investigate.  This is one of those instances where these two white people should have seen "Kings of Comedy" and put what they learned to practice.

4. The only Asian woman in the movie (yes, Hollywood is becoming very progressive) decides she needs to be holy by burning their only real food source (dead passengers) and the one supply of food that kept the Yeti from attacking them.  Why didn't one of the other survivors bash her brains in?  I would have been absolutely LIVID!!  I'm a big girl and so her wasting all of that food would be akin to a sin.  I would have found a dead man's burnt foot, turned it sideways and shoved it up her narrow behind.  How dare you burn my food!!  You don't mess with my money and you certainly don't mess with my food.
  The desecration of their only sustenance is proof that Hollywood doesn't like white people.  In burning all that food, she was going to starve 5 white people and one black man.  How could Hollywood allow her to do that?

Well, I'm done.  I stopped watching one the yeti ripped off one of the rescue member's leg and proceeded to beat him with it.  Yes, I laughed.  It's literally like adding insult to injury.  This Yeti must know some black mothers because I've told my son to take off his own belt so I could get him with it.

Random Thursday Thought...

I like white people.  I think they are interesting.  

 

(ok,  yeah, this is the only pic i didn't mind putting up...it's actually kinda funny)

I don't want to scare the only 2 white people that I know may read this, but since this is Random Thought Thursday, I figured I'd discuss white people since the little white lady got herself eaten/mauled by a killer whale recently.

There are different types of white people, just like there are different types of black people.  As per Chris Rock, there are black people and then there are n----s.  Black people are just everyday people, but n----s are the ignorant folks that keep the club shut down...Grand Opening, Grand Closing.  N----s are the folks that newscaster ALWAYS want to interview because they are, for whatever reason, the sole witness to a crime/event.  They usually speak with poor English, the men wear their pants well below their bottoms and the women are usually big busted with rollers in their hair.  As a black person, I typically become embarrassed for my race because it appears that there are never any other credible black people to interview...only the ones that look like they stay on welfare as a hobby/career choice.

Anyway, I've had a few instances with white women that have ruffled my feathers.

Instance #1:  As I walk through my neighborhood Super Wal-Mart in the mecca of civilization known as Opelika, AL, I had a white woman ask me if I put something in my daughter's hair to make it do whatever it was that it was doing.  Now, please be advised that my daughter may have been between 6-12 months old and so I really don't know what I could have put in her hair other than lotion and water...white people, please be advised that there aren't too many black women that will put a relaxer in a baby's hair and that our hair textures do change from the time we are born until we hit and come out of puberty.  Anyway, I looked at her like she had to be the dumbest nut on the face of the planet and proceeded to explain to her that no, i didn't put anything in my child's hair as it would be foolish and that her hair was naturally doing whatever it was that it was doing.  The last thing i needed to do was to become "the angry black woman."  Remember black women...never become "the angry black woman" in front of white women/men.  they will become scared and scared white people NEVER result in anything positive for black people (i hope I'm not scaring you, white friends :) )

Instance #2:  Once again, in Opelika, AL, I'm going through the neighborhood Wendy's drive-thru.  I politely place my order and I speak clearly so that 1.) they don't jack up my order and 2.) they don't spit in it (yes, I've been witness to that...NEVER be rude to your drive-thru order takers, especially late at night).  When I got to the window, the white woman there immediately started gushing about how I speak so well: she thought I was a white woman.  She actually told me that she thought I was a white girl in the most southern trailer-trash drawl possible. That had to be the funniest thing she encountered in her entire life.  What gets me is not that she thought I was white simply because I articulated myself in an educated manner, but the fact that she thought it was ok to tell me so.  It has come to my attention that no matter how rude the comment/thought is, white women don't seem to mind  sharing it with you...but please, refrain from turning into the angry black woman in response!!

Instance #3: Fast forward to my daughter's first grade parent/teacher conference.  I'm walking around the room bored to death and hoping the torture will end soon when a white woman politely comes up to my daughter and proceeds to place her hands in my child's hair.  Mind you, I don't know this chick from a whole in the wall, but she thinks it's ok to put her body parts on my daughter.  Before I can tell her to cease and desist, she starts with "oh my gosh, your daughter's hair is so beautiful..." (wait for it, wait for it) "is all of this hers?"  After seeing the astonished look on my face and hearing my frightening tone when I ask her "what are you talking about?" she continues to place her foot further into her mouth by saying "well, you know how THEY go and use other stuff in their hair."  I could see the fear forming in her face because I could feel the anger swelling on mine.  I told her "I don't know who the THEY are that you are referring to, but my daughter's hair is all hers."  And, like most white women who feel that they are entitled to do/say whatever pops into their simple minds, she became indignant (and yes, scared because "angry black woman" was starting to form) that I would be offended by her stupidity and she walked away.

This question is for my 2 white friends (I guess we're friends, I don't secretly hate you and try to mastermind your destruction and you don't act like you're entitled to ask me fool-a** questions):  why do white women do this?  I know that you don't know every white woman in America, but maybe you can make a generalization for me because I just don't understand.  Enlighten a sista.

Possessions

Ok, as a parent, I should know not to hold onto anything too tightly because it will most likely end up being broken by one of my two children.

However...

No one expects their daughter to cause a 17" iMac to go tumbling off the desk and the innocent cup of water that has been sitting ever so inconspicuously on the desk to come crashing down right on top, splashing it in unholy wetness!!!  I saw my beautiful Mac hang off my desk, upside down by the 3-4 USB cables hanging out the back of it like some broken bird

I saw my daughter's life flash before my eyes.

I'm sure she had the same out-of-body experience as well...as in, she saw her life flash in front of my eyes

There is water swishing inside of my iMac.

There should NEVER be water swishing inside such a beautiful machine.  I would say "who cares" if it were a PC because 1. they are cheap and easy to replace and 2. I'd be used to it crashing as Windows has got to be the most craptastic operating system known to man.

I have never encountered the "blue screen of death" on Mac... until today.

My heart sunk...

My soul broke into a million pieces..

My entire being shriveled up.

That is, until we turned it back off and then on again and all was right with the world.

My daughter's soul reentered her body since it knew I would rip it right out of her should my Mac fail to return to full operational capacity. 

Is it wrong for me to expect to keep something nice for myself in a household shared w/ two young children (aka semi-demons...yes, all small children are semi-demons and God is ROFL at us as we try to raise what are essentially crazy and irrational small people.  You can't reason with a child because they don't think logically...in fact, they just don't think; therefore they are crazy, manic and potentially schizophrenic, especially teenagers...but I digress)?

Well, now that the scare of a lifetime has passed, I can sleep...

Not so fast sweet checks... my spouse is currently tinkering with it in order to get the remaining portions of that poisonous liquid out of it.  I can hear a sucking/pulling type noise as he separates the screen from the casing...it sounds scary

I hope the tinkering doesn't lead to a divorce if my Mac comes back jacked!

**I Keeed, I Keeed**

Confidence...

I have none.

No, that's a lie.  I have some...in spurts.

I am 30 years old and I am still very much concerned about what others think of me.

Well, that isn't exactly true.

If that were the case, I'd give a good golly when going to work and dress up a little more.

No, I'm just not comfortable with me.

Never have been and so I don't know what it feels like.

Dang, that's personal...other than Kanye, who else goes around saying they aren't happy with themselves?

We all put on a front to make the world think and believe that we are completely happy with things as they are.

It is impossible for humans to be completely happy with life as is...we wouldn't be humans if we were.

Anyway, I might eventually reach a level of comfort...

I doubt it, but maybe as I get older, more mature and wiser, I might reach a level of comfort with myself.

Shameful...

Oh well, it is what it is...

Special Paul Mooney Phrases

Complexion for the Protection

Double Agent

Nigga wake-up call

Yo Momma

There is absolutely NOTHING scarier than a mother that stays calm when upset.

Case in point:  I just folded up a load of clothes for my children and asked them to put them away.  I go to my daughter's room to look for dirty clothes to start the next load of laundry when I find the previously folded clothes magically unfolded.  Of course, I'm a litted peeved about it because I feel like I wasted my time on a useless chore.

Now, instead of raising my voice to show my displeasure, I simply kept my cool, but the look in my eyes and the eerie calm in my voice scared the crap out of her and she voluntarily offered to fold everything back up instead of me having to tell her.

Now, what kept me from going crazy and potentially making her cry *(she is a little on the sensitive side *rolling eyes*), I remember a power point presentation regarding Stephen Covey's 90/10 and I specifically remember the ridiculous example it gave. 

In any event, flipping out on her would have been a waste of my energy and put a strain in ours...something that I can't afford at this time since she's closing in on puberty and I really need her to know that I'm there for her.  I couldn't control the fact that the clothes were already unfolded; therefore, there's no need for me to lose my cool and potentially upset her (she's generally disturbed about something most days...what I don't need is an emotional pre-teen that's upset about something silly I did).

It was a great learning experience.

Random John Mayer quote of the day

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation... so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type... I'm like, 'hey girl, magenta!' and she's like, 'oh, you mean purple!' and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!'"

Ummm...parents, please keep the noses of your children away from glue bottles and paint cans.  If you do not, you may end up with the foolishness listed above...he even went so far as to warn you about the fact that he was a few crayons short of a full box.  At least he has the mental fortitude to realize it.

Some Ol Foolishness

Yeah, I'm on a roll...I have a lot to say...for right now.

Ok, so I'm listening to a recording of an interview between two people.  The interviewer sounded just about as live as a 2-week old pile of dog crap and the interviewee sounded as ignorant as an ol field slave.

I have NEVER heard someone say "I seent" so many times in 5 minutes.  What the heck is "I seent" and what body part does it entail the use of?  I was so disgusted because I know this ol field negro has procreated and made miniature versions of his ignorant behind.

I thought that he would hear himself and say "hold up, there's no such thing as 'seent.' Let me get myself together." Well, of course THAT never happened.  Instead, he just kept on with the "seent"s. 

I weep for his mother.

Crap-eriffic Co-workers

Ok, so I'm trying to stay as anonymous as possible because I'm not trying to ruin any prospects for future employment or get fired from my current position, but I really have to comment on this one.

Well, it appears that the older I get, the more of a man I become...as in, having a lack of sensitivity for the feelings of others.

Ok, so there's this individual that I work with that is SERIOUSLY lacking in a few different areas.  I truthfully don't care what this person does; however, their inability to catch on is now overflowing into my bubble...I'm sorry, but I CAN NOT tolerate this.

Well, being who I am, I proceeded to let this person know verbally, both seriously and in jest.  In fact, others have mentioned it as well (so you know it's not just me being picky and rude). Well, today this person left early and I let them know to let EVERYONE in EVERY file they own that they will not be in the office so don't call.  Of course, the medium in which i used to do this could have been better, but it was quite comical to not only myself (I only really aim to enterain myself), but to my other suffering co-workers.

Well, this person is a little more sensitve (something that I CAN NOT understand) and tried to take offense.  I wanted to haul off and slap that peanut head, but I don't want to get fired nor thrown in jail.

This is what I don't get...if we are all adults (over the age of 21), why can't a deficient person be told about themselves.  If you don't want to get talked about, how about getting yourself together so you can't be talked about.  How about you take the advice that older, more experienced people give you instead of trying to "do you."

Anyway, the dummy left, but my sup found out about the email.  I didn't get yelled at, but I did get cautioned.  If I got fired over some ol girl getting her feelings hurt, then doggone it, I'm gonna REALLY make sure I hurt her feelings.

I will not state what I would do, but know that I'm a little vindictive and whatever I plan, it will not end well...for her :)   (no death or bodily harm involved...trust me!!)

Welcome all!!

Ok, so this is my first blog, but I have soooo much to say...well at least for right now.

I really hope that enjoy what you read.

I'm a little opionated.

Hopefully, we can get some good debate going on with my future posts.

Once again, welcome to my very random mind :)